Black and White Blended Makes Grey? Why...

Confusion...
Mixed thoughts and emotions...
No wrong or right answer...
Life...

Welcome to the so-called "Grey Area"...

Before you get too involved in this one, I must admit that this blog has no particular direction, no particular answers, and no "deeper" meaning. To my few, avid readers out there, sorry if you are disappointed.
This one is just to show the circle I've been running in the past few weeks.
If your name is Johnny Coggin (and I know you are reading this, because you supposedly read all my blogs), then you might appreciate this one because we talked a little about it the other day over yummy pizza subs...by the way, we should go again soon.

The Grey Area, a blend of black and white...
I hate it...

Sometimes there are no right or wrong decisions in life, only ones that have different outcomes that could have either good or bad ramifications.
Ahh, if only times were simpler, like back in the World War II days when the whole nation was unified as one against a common enemy, and only the big picture mattered.
It's been decades now since America has been united as it was back then, since morals actually mattered in this country, and it's been a few years for me since my feelings, thoughts, and decisions have been united.

All because of the "Grey Area"...

I am currently in a situation in which there is no wrong or right decision, and there is no way of telling which decision would have better outcomes. There is no "black and white" decision, so to speak. There's no right or wrong answer, just a decision that has to be made and soon...
And I made up my mind about, oh, maybe last weekend...

To bad it may be to late for the route I chose, I have a gut feeling it is to late...

If your name happens to Gummy Cole, it is referring to "people"...hope you catch that one Gumbo...

Anyways, I have tried to focus on the bigger picture. If you know me, you know I am big into stopping the genocide in Darfur, which God has given me a great passion for. I do believe that is the calling in my life at the moment, and a very demanding and worthy calling at that.

I guess I know deep down that, when compared with the calling in my life to Darfur, my personal life is very insignificant. But the issue in my personal life right now is affecting my decisions and judgment when it comes to making an impact with the genocide in Darfur...so my personal life kinda does matter.

And that is my circle I've been running in. I guess I feel like a hamster running at his wheel, and I honestly don't see how the hamster does it for as long as he does...because I'm burnt out.

Ha, I guess the irony of it is that the "wheel" I'm running in is painted grey...

Don't take this the wrong way; I'm not complaining...my only assumption is that this is a test from God. Maybe that's why I haven't received an answer from Him when I am praying at two in the morning because I can't sleep...
Or maybe His answer is not evident to me yet; I have no idea at this point.
Or, what scares me even more, is that He has trusted me to make this decision...I pray that isn't it, because I am sure I could very easily let Him down...and like the band Reliant K says, " I hate these consequences, cause I know that I let You down, and I don't want to deal with that..."

I don't need advice, I've made my decision...prayer would be nice, I guess. Please don't tell me to pray about, I already do that every hour of the day for the past weeks. Please don't try and give me the answer, because I am willing to bet my life that you don't have it, sorry if that sounds harsh...

I've made my decision, and that's following my heart...if only I could trust my heart...because as most of you know, the heart is just as capable of choosing a disguised, bad decision as it is capable of choosing a good decision.

Ha, at least there never seems to be a dull moment in my life...although I hope one day I can experience that for a few brief seconds to see what it is like.

The Grey Area...
How I hate it...

Please pray for me...my prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears, even though I know they aren't...and please pray for the genocide in Darfur, God knows that those people are suffering much more than I am right now.

In Christ,
Hackett